Germany, Austria and Italy are standing together in
the middle of a pub when Serbia bumps into Austria and spills Austria’s pint.
Austria demands Serbia buy it a whole new suit because
of the new beer stains on its trouser leg.
Germany expresses its support for Austria’s point of
view.
Britain recommends that everyone calm down a bit.
Serbia points out that it can’t afford a whole suit,
but offers to pay for the cleaning of Austria’s trousers.
Russia and Serbia look at Austria.
Austria asks Serbia who it’s looking at.
Russia suggests that Austria should leave its little
brother alone.
Austria inquires as to whose army will assist Russia
in doing so.
Germany appeals to Britain that France has been
looking at it, and that its sufficiently out of order that Britain not
intervene.
Britain replies that France can look at who it wants
to, that Britain is looking at Germany too, and what is Germany going to do
about it?
Germany tells Russia to stop looking at Austria, or
Germany will render Russia incapable of such action anymore.
Britain and France ask Germany whether it’s looking at
Belgium.
Turkey and Germany go off into a corner and whisper.
When they come back, Turkey makes a show of not looking at anyone.
Germany rolls up its sleeves, looks at France, and
punches Belgium.
France and Britain punch Germany. Austria punches
Russia. Germany punches Britain and France with one hand and Russia with the
other.
Russia throws a punch at Germany, but misses and
nearly falls over. Japan calls over from the other side of the room that it’s
on Britain’s side, but stays there. Italy surprises everyone by punching
Austria.
Australia punches Turkey, and gets punched back. There
are no hard feelings because Britain made Australia do it.
France gets thrown through a plate glass window, but
gets back up and carries on fighting. Russia gets thrown through another one,
gets knocked out, suffers brain damage, and wakes up with a complete
personality change.
Italy throws a punch at Austria and misses, but
Austria falls over anyway. Italy raises both fists in the air and runs round
the room chanting.
America waits till Germany is about to fall over from
sustained punching from Britain and France, then walks over and smashes it with
a barstool, then pretends it won the fight all by itself.
By now all the chairs are broken and the big mirror
over the bar is shattered. Britain, France and America agree that Germany threw
the first punch, so the whole thing is Germany’s fault . While Germany is still
unconscious, they go through its pockets, steal its wallet, and buy drinks for
all their friends.
http://themetapicture.com/if-wwi-was-a-bar-fight/
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